On January 6, 2009, I wrote:

“all that i want, all that i need, is for him to come back. all
the explanations people have given me…i so badly want them to be
true. but they cant be, things like that don’t happen to me, you know?
and all while i’m writing this, my heart’s shouting at me, “YES IT
CAN.” but i can’t let myself think that. i can daydream all that i want
that everything will be perfect again, but it just won’t be. so now i’m
kindof going over situations or reasons in my head, and it still
doesn’t add up to why we can’t be together. but thats probably just my
desire protesting against my self preservation.”

Ha, well now, January 27 of ‘10, it’s exactly the opposite.

My self preservation is going against desire, and I’m not sure if it’s right. I hope it is.